Argus Hamilton

© Copyright 2015
Friday, January 30, 2015

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD--God Bless America and how's everybody?

Aviation News reported that a two-man balloon team was halfway across the Pacific Wednesday in a quest to fly from Japan to North America and set a new record. They took every possible safety measure. The New England Patriots asssistant ball boy is in the basket in case the balloon gets too high.

Texas A&M professor Calvin Rickson invented a women's sports bra that prevents breasts from jiggling, bouncing or poking through in cold weather. Reaction was swift. An hour after Professor Rickson announced the invention he was run out of Texas for disrespecting the spirit of the Super Bowl.

NBC sold out all its Super Bowl ad time Monday but NBC agreed to air public service ads which decry violence against women. It's due to a rash of NFL spousal abuse. It's not a slam against Texas for executing four wives who were convicted of walking in front of the TV set during the Cowboys game.

Fidel Castro wrote a public letter Tuesday indicating he supports Cuba's talks with the U.S. about normalizing our relations. He's understandably nervous. Fidel Castro is in the Guinness Book of Records for living fifty-six years longer than anyone who ever seized a hotel casino from Meyer Lansky.

The Weather Channel aired footage of a big blizzard hitting New England Tuesday, making life miserable in six states. It left thousands of homes and businesses without electricity. Americans haven't experienced a blackout this complete since the Academy Awards nominations were announced.

Attorney General nominee Loretta Lynch told her Senate comfirmation committee Wednesday that illegal aliens have the same right to work as U.S. citizens. It's a sign of the times. The Democratic Party used to enjoy the advantage of having eight children in every family, but now they just order in.

President Obama dropped a sock-it-to-the-rich bill he proposed in the State of the Union to end the tax benefits from college savings accounts. A week later, he thinks the tax-free account withdrawals benefit everyone. You know he's getting older when President Obama doesn't support President Obama.

President Obama landed in Saudi Arabia Tuesday to meet King Salman and discuss Mideast strategy. The Saudi way of thinking is the exact opposite of the Western way of thinking. The Saudis cover up their women and sell their oil, while in California, we expose our women and cover up our oil.

President Obama returned to from a trip to India followed by a previously un-scheduled stop in Saudi Arabia. The president had to stop to meet Saudi Arabia's new king. Obama also met Saudi Arabia's first lady, then he met the second lady, then he met the third lady, then he met the fourth lady.

Speaker John Boehner said the House will propose three alternative health plans to Obamacare Tuesday. It won't help their poll numbers. Congress's job approval is so low the Discovery Channel is considering plans to shoot a re-make of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, only with an all-baboon cast.

Hillary Clinton agreed to testify to the House committee on the Benghazi attack but the House can't get State's records. The president's in the clear. President Obama can prove he knew nothing about a terrorist attack on the consulate, he was too busy not knowing anything about the IRS scandal.

Colorado hospitals reported an alarming increase in the number of cases of respiratory illnesses diagnosed in Coloradans this year. The treatment is obvious. In order to clear up lung congestion, Colorado doctors are advising all sufferers to switch from recreational marijuana to medical marijuana.

Detroit's Brann Steakhouse announced on its outdoor marquee that it's banned Michael Moore from the restaurant for his comments ripping American Sniper. The filmmaker's reaction was swift. Before this could spread, Michael Moore apologized to McDonald's and said that Chris Kyle was a hero.




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Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

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