Argus Hamilton

© Copyright 2018

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD--God Bless America, and how's everybody?

The Weather Channel reported freak weather on the Eastern Seaboard and West Coast with record-warm weather in New York and record-cold weather in California. How bad is it? It’s so cold in Los Angeles that people are saying nice things about Trump just for the heated response.

The L.A. Times says L.A. local immigrants are terrified since Friday’s ICE raid. A friend posted this protest note on the White House website. I’m terrified that Trump is going to deport my Latina mother-in-law who lives at 1801 Pico Avenue, Los Angeles, blue house on the corner, gets home at six.

The White House was deluged by questions Tuesday asking if the U.S. government was going to punish Russia for meddling in our presidential election. We could show a little more anger. It doesn’t look good when the Olympic Committee has slapped more sanctions on Russia than President Trump.

Robert Mueller cited a dozen Russians for meddling in the 2016 election. In twenty primaries, Democrats spent a billion and nominated a Tory Methodist GOP-raised Goldwater Girl, while the GOP spent a billion to get a lifelong New York Democrat. Is it possible that Russia is just trying to help us?

President Trump asked the Justice Department to write a rule to outlaw bump stocks that turn rifles into machine guns. This is not a partisan issue. Hillary Clinton survived a shooting scare recently when a man was arrested on her front lawn with a Super-Soaker and one gallon of hot water.

The Chicago Tribune reported a University of California study which found drinking alcohol daily helps people to live to the age of ninety. Of course the study doesn’t apply to everyone. For an alcoholic like Argus James Hamilton III, alcohol is NOT the answer, but it was always my first guess.

Journal Lancet released a medical study saying psychedelic mushrooms are the least addictive drug. The effects are wild. You see bright colors everywhere, you hear eerie music coming at you from all directions, and you think a Republican Congress is going to impeach a Republican president.

The Wall Street Journal reports the formation of capital investment funds like Alternative Harvest to allow people to invest in the new legal marijuana businesses. A recent survey says one hundred and sixty million people worldwide use marijuana now. This is great news for the Cartoon Channel.

The London Daily Mail reported KFC ran out of chickens in Great Britain, forcing hundreds of KFC restaurants to close down. No one pays the story much mind. If we ever see a headline reading Chickens Run Out of KFC, then we’ll pay close attention because it’s a much funnier visual.

South Korea’s Winter Olympics reportedly relaxed some war tension on the Korean peninsula but certainly not all. It’s a fact, a month ago, the Chinese Army massed on the border with North Korea. They must have heard that Samsung is offering zero percent down and zero percent financing.

Men’s Health reports on a Harvard study which found that frequent ejaculations help men to flush out toxins in the testicles and to prevent infections. The study found that four orgasms a week will help men avoid getting prostate cancer. How on Earth do you start a Go Fund Me site for this?

The Christian Science Monitor polled U.S. Protestants asking for their theological beliefs and found that most people are Quakers and don’t know it. In terms of theology, I am an easy-grace Anglican. That means I would never sell my soul, but I cheerfully rent it out for instant gratification.

George Washington’s Birthday is marked today at his Mount Vernon plantation in Virginia. He was indispensible to the founding of the Republic. George Washington is America’s favorite president because he’s the only one who didn’t blame his problems on the previous administration.


© Copyright 2018 Argus Hamilton. All Rights Reserved.


Wondering how Donald Trump won the election
and how in the world Hillary Clinton lost?
It's all here--the emails, the debates, the women,
the Russians, the FBI--in the new book,
"How Trump Won: Columns by Susan Shelley
on a Remarkable Year and Change."
Now available on Amazon.

Editors:  Add Argus Hamilton's column to your newspaper

Note to the media:  Want to use a quote?  Please click here.

Back to Argus Hamilton's Home Page

Today's Column

Recent Columns

About Argus

Book Argus For Your Next Event

E-mail Argus



How to Start Your Day With The Jokes

Back to