Argus Hamilton

© Copyright 2014
Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Tuesday, everybody, and God Bless America.

Michael Jackson will have a grade school named after him in Gary, Indiana, in September to honor the King of Pop's regard for children. The day he died five years ago, dozens of kids showed up at the front gate of his mansion. A half hour later, the cops arrived and let them out.

The Pole World News Awards will hold their international pole-dancing contest in Puerto Vallarta in November. Strippers from dozens of nations will be on hand to dance, strip and twirl on the pole before judges. It's an annual contest to find out who is the world's worst father.

Roger Goodell suspended Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice for only two games after a video caught him knocking his fiancee unconscious. Everyone's appalled. It looks like best way for the NFL to reduce concussions is to design better helmets for their wives and girlfriends.

President Obama stood on the South Lawn to greet the leaders of Guatemala, El Salvador and Honduras Friday. They made it over the fence in six seconds. No one wants to say the situation is bad, but all three leaders came dressed up as children and asked for refugee status.

President Obama told Central American leaders he's considering a plan to grant refugee status to illegal kids from their countries. The leaders thanked him and left. They've been inside the United States for four days and already the INS says they have no way of finding them.

China warned the U.S. to stay out of the Hong Kong pro-democracy protests that demand direct elections without any controls from Beijing. Relations are tricky between the U.S. and Hong Kong. One is a self-ruling former British colony now owned by China, and so is Hong Kong.

NSA leaker Ed Snowden said Friday the NSA routinely spies on leaders around the world. It's no secret. Jimmy Carter said he will not e-mail foreign leaders because he believes the NSA is reading his advice, and because he can't find the Send button on his Underwood typewriter.

Vladimir Putin offered to personally mediate the conflict between Israel and Gaza Friday to stop the war. Both parties should beware. Putin may try to introduce PutinCare as part of the peace settlement, and under PutinCare, if he likes your country he gets to keep your country.

Pravda reminded the world that Vladimir Putin has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. He persuaded the U.S. and Britain last September not to attack Syria by promising to ship away their chemical weapons. After all, if there's one thing you can trust Putin with, it's poison.

Canada relief agencies drove truckloads of bottled water into Detroit on Thursday to help Detroit residents whose water got shut off due to non-payment of water bills. It was confusing. The labels on the bottles may read Budweiser, Coors and Miller but Canadians consider it water.

The U.S. Mint released a new John F. Kennedy half dollar coin on the fiftieth anniversary of the first JFK half-dollar. His hair is more tousled on the new coin. It probably got that way from that affair he had with the Susan B. Anthony coin when the Mint workers weren't looking.

President Obama's approval rating fell to thirty-nine percent in a Gallup poll Friday. The reasons listed include the IRS scandal, illegal immigration, and foreign policy chaos. In news that Americans are actually following, sources report that Casey Kasem is dead, but improving.

The Washington Post survey shows that Darth Vader has a higher favorability rating than any likely presidential candidates. He symbolized pure evil. Now that the poll is out, the question is, does a ton of bricks have to fall on Dick Cheney's head to convince him to run now?

© Copyright 2014 Argus Hamilton. All Rights Reserved.

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