Argus Hamilton


© Copyright 2017

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD--God bless America, and how's everybody?

Republican U.S. Senator Chuck Grassley renewed his public feud with the History Channel in a tweet complaining they have no history programming. These days, if you really like history, just watch the TV news. On Tuesday night Alabama became the first state to secede from the Confederacy.

Alabama voters on Tuesday elected Democrat Doug Jones to the Senate over accused teenage girl pursuer Judge Roy Moore. The Democrat’s win keeps Republicans from having constantly to defend Moore. It didn’t help Roy Moore’s cause when his victory party was advertised as a Sock Hop.

Democrats were jubilant Tuesday when Doug Jones won the Senate race in Bama. The party’s liberal direction had doomed it in Dixie for five decades. I told audiences fifteen years ago that Donald Trump will be elected president before the South sends another Democrat to the U.S. Senate.

Alabama’s GOP Senate candidate Roy Moore barely lost despite a barrage of female accusers who said he hit on them when they were underage teenagers. He became stereotyped as a pervert. Had the election gone the other way Tuesday night, Chris Hanson was going to announce the winner.

President Trump congratulated Doug Jones on his Alabama win Tuesday. We’ve now lost two senators and two congressmen to sex allegations, as Trump deals with three women accusers. In a related story, Viagra marked the twentieth anniversary of its first TV commercial starring Bob Dole.

Pfizer’s patent on Viagra expired after twenty years Monday and now anyone can make it. It’s clearly the favorite drug of producers, lawmakers and morning TV talk show hosts. Beverly Hills drug stores just added Gloria Allred’s name to the list of possible side effects on each bottle of Viagra.

Dennis Rodman asked permission to fly to North Korea as a peace envoy to his friend dictator Kim Jung Un, but Rodman’s airline itinerary would be a little tricky. He’ll probably fly to North Korea aboard KAL and then fly home aboard ICBM. The return trip should only take thirty minutes.

The ACLU Awards were held in L.A. last weekend where Jane Fonda lavished praise on Colin Kaepernick. They may have discussed their lost careers. The reason Mel Gibson, Charles Manson and O.J. Simpson can still sell tickets and the NFL can’t is because they never disrespected the U.S. flag.

Darkest Hour is a new movie starring Gary Oldham as Sir Winston Churchill. He drank two quarts of champagne and a bottle of Cognac daily, starting with two Scotches with breakfast, and he smoked cigars all day. Winston was the first to insist if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor.

The New York Times ran an article on President Trump’s life the White House Monday. The reporters revealed that Trump drinks twelve Diet Cokes a day and he watches eight hours of television. Eye doctors said that’s too much television, and Charlie Sheen said that’s too much coke.

Houston Texas quarterback Tom Savage was clobbered by a vicious hit Sunday that left him flat on his back with his arms twitching. Nevertheless, the coach sent him back into the game. The NFL’s concussion protocols are so weak, they’d put Kennedy back in the limo after the second shot.

Trafalgar Guided Tours is advertising a new tour of the Middle East that will allow Americans to savor Arab culture and interact with people we only see on the news. It’s exotic. The tour of the Middle East starts out in London, then crosses over to Paris then up to Sweden in time for Ramadan.

New York authorities arraigned the terrorist Port Authority bomber Tuesday. Police accepted his motive that he did it for ISIS, because he certainly didn’t having any virgins waiting for him in Paradise. They are all on Hollywood Boulevard waiting in line to watch Star Wars: The Last Jedi.


 


© Copyright 2017 Argus Hamilton. All Rights Reserved.

 

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