How Trump Won: Columns by Susan Shelley on a Remarkable Year and Change

Argus Hamilton

© Copyright 2017

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Argus Hamilton

BEVERLY HILLS--God bless America, and how's everybody?

A Day without Immigrants prompted a day of protest Thursday in which immigration leaders asked immigrants to stay home from work, from school and from shopping. It was to display their impact on U.S. life. President Trump observed a Day without Immigrants by sleeping alone that night.

A Day without Immigrants was a protest march Thursday where immigrants by the thousands marched to protest Trump’s immigration policy. So many people are marching against Trump, Nike’s added a night shift to replace all the worn-out walking shoes. So he’s making Vietnam great again too.

The Oscars ceremony next week promises to be a festive night of Trump bashing. It’s a tough town. Caitlyn Jenner had to win the Olympic Men’s Decathlon, father four Kardashians, change sexes and get a boob job before she could look Hollywood in the eye and admit she was a Republican.

Fifty Shades Darker pulled in one hundred fifty million at the box office last week. It’s about a billionaire and his mistress in an S&M relationship. People get so aroused by bondage, spanking and domination that President Trump has been advised to schedule one press conference every week.

NBC’s Meet the Press Host Chuck Todd cried foul Thursday over President Trump’s bashing the media into public de-legitimization. The latest poll shows America’s public trust in the media is at fourteen percent. To give you an idea of where that number stands, Cosby is at sixteen percent.

President Trump announced Thursday he will be nominating successful Florida businessman Alexander Acosta to be Secretary of Labor. If confirmed he’d be the first Hispanic named to the Trump cabinet. They just realized they needed SOMEBODY who knows how to build a damned wall.

President Trump held a press conference Thursday and delivered a tour de force performance for seventy-eight minutes. He was funny, combative, informative, open and riveting. Trump was so entertaining he had Americans thinking this guy could host a reality show if he’d put his mind to it.

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson flew to Germany Thursday to meet Russia’s Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov where they laid down markers. The secretary has a lot to do. Rex Tillerson’s next job as Secretary of State is to secure a cease-fire in the ongoing war between Harrison Ford and gravity.

Harrison Ford survived again in his latest air mishap Monday when he just missed an airliner while he landed in Orange County, two years after his plane crash and helicopter crash. He just filed flight plans to land at Will Rogers Airport. The evacuation of Oklahoma City has already begun.

President Trump was accused of casual racism Thursday after he asked a black radio reporter to set him up a meeting with the Congressional Black Caucus, assuming they were all friends. Democrats have one consolation. He is seventy and from New York, not seventy and from Mississippi.

Kim Jung Un’s exiled playboy older brother Kim Jong Nam was murdered by North Koreans who sprayed poison in his face at a Malaysian airport. He screamed, stomped and waved his arms but no one helped him. They cheered and applauded thinking he was PSY performing his greatest hit.

Congress will investigate the intelligence community over the Mike Flynn scandal next week. They want to find out who gave the press Mike Flynn’s phone transcripts. On Thursday, President Trump vowed to jail all the low-life leakers, causing a brief panic in the Moscow hooker community.

Americans awoke Friday to a beautiful day and went to work, after which they met for dinner, then went to a movie, and came home to enjoy late-night talk show hosts joking about sex, sports and Hollywood. It was nice. One a year America observes A Day without Trump Derangement Syndrome.

© Copyright 2017 Argus Hamilton. All Rights Reserved.


Wondering how Donald Trump won the election
and how in the world Hillary Clinton lost?
It's all here--the emails, the debates, the women,
the Russians, the FBI--in the new book,
"How Trump Won: Columns by Susan Shelley
on a Remarkable Year and Change."
Now available on Amazon.

Editors:  Add Argus Hamilton's column to your newspaper

Note to the media:  Want to use a quote?  Please click here.

Back to Argus Hamilton's Home Page

Today's Column

Recent Columns

About Argus

Book Argus For Your Next Event

E-mail Argus



How to Start Your Day With The Jokes

Back to