Argus Hamilton

© Copyright 2014

Friday, July 3, 2015

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD--God Bless America, and how's everybody?

The National Highway Transportation and Safety Board warned Fourth of July motorists that one-fourth of all car wrecks will be caused by drinking drivers this weekend. So here's how to stay safe. Watch out for drivers who aren't drinking, because they cause three-fourths of all the car wrecks.

Harvard published a study revealing that Fourth of July celebrations tend to turn schoolchildren into conservatives. The study set off alarm bells. Teachers were horrified to discover that it only takes a patriotic speech and some fireworks to undo one hundred eighty days of public school education.

Donald Trump ignited a firestorm by calling illegal aliens rapists, resulting in the loss of his TV show, his clothing line and beauty pageant. The mainstream media is in a mob frenzy to see Trump punished in every way possible. He's drawn so much fire he may have single-handedly saved the Confederate flag.

Macy's department store announced it will discontinue its line of Donald Trump suits, Donald Trump ties and Donald Trump dress shirts after he characterized illegal immigrants as rapists. The generalization has no basis in fact. For starters, Bill Cosby can prove he was born in Philadelphia.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie announced Tuesday he's running for the GOP nomination for president before a cheering crowd at the gym where he went to high school. It wasn't his first choice. Chris wanted to hold the event in the school cafeteria, but the restraining order says forty years.

The Oklahoma Supreme Court ruled the marble display of the Ten Commandments on the lawn of the state capitol building Tuesday is an unconstitutional promotion of the state's most popular religion on state property. That's just ridiculous. The Ten Commandments look nothing like a football.

TV Land pulled the Dukes of Hazzards reruns because the muscle car named General Lee had a Rebel flag painted on its roof. This is insane. Kentucky Fried Chicken has three days to produce a birth certificate to prove that Colonel Sanders was born too late to legally own his first restaurant staff.

Greek voters decide Sunday whether Greece will remain in the EU and work out a debt payment plan or withdraw and ruin its credit. The crisis has shocked Americans. Who'd have thought that the country that invented the Philosophy Major would have trouble earning a living and paying its bills.

Whitey Bulger wrote a letter to schoolkids from prison after they wrote asking for the mobster's advice on life. He wrote the kids back saying he'd lived a life of theft, graft and dishonesty. Today Whitey works in the laundry room and does a little outside consulting work for the Clinton Foundation.

The University of Missouri at Kansas City hired Chelsea Clinton for sixty-five thousand dollars to speak at the opening of a women's hall of fame. While onstage, she was honest without being clever and she answered questions forthrightly without evasion. Everyone left feeling certain she was adopted.

President Obama announced that the U.S. and Cuba will re-establish diplomatic relations in late July. The island boasts a long average life-span. Fidel Castro is recognized by the Guinness Book of Records for living fifty-six years longer than any man who ever seized a casino owned by Meyer Lansky.

Brazil's president Dilma Rousseff was told by Obama she is no longer under NSA surveillance. She was a Marxist radical in the Seventies and involved in fire bombings. If Rousseff is NOT under NSA satellite surveillance, we have NASA if all we want are pretty pictures of the Earth from up there.

The United Church of Christ called for the Washington Redskins to change their name Tuesday and asked members to boycott. The sect is descended from the English Puritans who settled New England. They hope that changing an NFL mascot name will make it up to the Indians for taking North America away from them, an equitable settlement if you accept the premise that God is English.

© Copyright 2015 Argus Hamilton. All Rights Reserved.

How the First Amendment Came to Protect Topless Dancing: A Citizen's Guide to the Incorporation Doctrine. By Susan Shelley. Kindle Edition.

Click here to read
"Restoring the Raise: How to Cause a Labor Shortage in America"
"How to Set Up a Free Country"
"In Defense of the Banks"
"The Second Amendment and the Big Surprise"
"Defending Capitalism"
"The Motive for War: How to End the Violence in Iraq"

"The Secret Life of the Bill of Rights"
"The Tyranny of the Children"
"A Plan to Get Out of Iraq: Blackstone's Fundamental Rights and the Power of Property"
"Judicial Activism and the Constitutional Amendment on Marriage"
"How to Get Congress to Foot the Bill for Illegal Immigration, and Fast"
"Cornered: The Supreme Court's Ten Commandments Problem"
"Why There Is No Constitutional Right to Privacy, and How to Get One"
"How the First Amendment Came to Protect Topless Dancing"
"Marijuana, Prohibition and the Tenth Amendment"
by Susan Shelley, author of
"The 37th Amendment"

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