Argus Hamilton


© Copyright 2017

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD--God bless America, and how's everybody?

The U.S. faces war with North Korea and Venezuela today while Americans themselves re-fight the Civil War over statues. It’s crazy. With each day, it becomes more apparent that Barnum and Bailey’s went out of business this year because there was too much competition for the Circus Clowns.

President Trump spoke to reporters Tuesday and criticized the removal of Confederate statues by liberal pressure groups in the South. It didn’t end there. In a surprise move, Southerners have just re-named their schools and statues after Sara Lee because, after all, nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee.

Facebook posts raged against Southerners who support Confederate statues Tuesday. You get mellower as you age. Today I don’t care if a lesbian has penis attachment surgery and falls in love with a gay guy transitioning into a woman and they decide to marry, as long as they’re the same race.

Robert E. Lee’s statue was targeted for removal in Lexington for condoning slavery. Next it’s the Jefferson Memorial, Washington Monument, then Jesus’s statue overlooking Rio. They’re taking down Jesus last because at least he wasn’t a snooty Anglo-Saxon, except on his Father’s side.

President Trump interrupted his vacation to fly to New York for a business forum Tuesday in Trump Tower. He flew back to New Jersey rather than stay in New York and enjoy a night out. With everybody re-living the Civil War this week, the LAST thing a president’s going to do is attend a play.

Hollywood went berserk when Trump repeated his blaming Charlottesville on both the left and right. That’s not the only reason Hollywood hates him. Americans stopped going to movies this summer because you have to turn off your phone in the theater, and they might miss one of his tweets.

President Trump is spending a seventeen-day working-vacation at a Trump golf resort in New Jersey. It’s a gamey place to relax. A Russian spy plane flew over New Jersey Sunday as part of a shared security agreement with Russia, and the pilot radioed back that Siberia is not so bad after all.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell was interviewed in L.A. after the Chargers game Friday. He said he’s not sure what effect Trump’s presidency will have on the players. We know Trump is in favor of fewer regulations, which is really bad news if you’re a quarterback standing in the pocket.

The PBS series Story of the English Language which first aired thirty years ago has just been released on DVD for a new generation to enjoy. The language has really changed since it aired. Back in the Eighties, white privilege meant snorting cocaine through a rolled-up hundred dollar bill.

HBO admits hackers broke into their network, made off with upcoming episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and is selling them on underground web sites. These sites are a con man’s paradise. Someone on the Internet is making millions this week selling people early bootleg copies of the eclipse.

The Jakarta Times reports that female police recruits in Indonesia are now forced to undergo a gynecological exam to ensure they are virgins before they can join the force. Shrewd idea. The last thing a terrorist wants to meet when he gets to Paradise after blowing up a bus are seventy-two cops.

Google fired a brilliant young engineer for posting a detailed psychological difference between men and women. Did you know that men commit ninety percent of all U.S. murders? It just goes to show that if feminists want to make a change in the world, they’re going to have to step up their game.

The Weather Channel reported flash flooding in Los Angeles County last week when the area was rocked by thunderstorms. They practically never occur in this seaside desert climate. Living in Los Angeles means never knowing that your dog is frightened by thunder until he’s four years old.


 


© Copyright 2017 Argus Hamilton. All Rights Reserved.

 

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