Argus Hamilton

© Copyright 2015
Thursday, March 5, 2015

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD--God Bless America and how's everybody?

The Weather Channel reported a cold front dumped snowfall on Huntington Beach in Southern California on Sunday along with sleet and hail. You can imagine the car wrecks it caused on Pacific Coast Highway. To keep from losing his auto insurance, Bruce Jenner transitioned into a Minnesotan.

Toys R Us rolled out a toy microphone and microphone stand that produces audience laughter and applause whenever your child speaks into it. Your children will think they're funny whether they are or not. This is a way for parents to create Frankenstein without running up the electricity bill.

L.A. Angels star Josh Hamilton faces suspension after admitting he's drinking alcohol and using cocaine. This while his wife is now set to star in the Real Housewives of Orange County. People had to hear about it outside Los Angeles before anybody thought there was anything was abnormal about it.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu delivered a thunderous speech to Congress Tuesday and he urged the U.S. to reject a nuclear deal with Iran. President Obama refused to attend or watch the speech. Hollywood rated the snub right up there with William Shatner missing Mr. Spock's funeral.

Benjamin Netanyahu warned Congress that a U.S.-Iran deal in Geneva will lead to an Iran with nuclear weapons Tuesday. The administration bit its tongue. President Obama canceled his plan to have Kanye West interrupt Netanyahu's speech and announce that the stage time belongs to Beyonce.

Israel's opposition to President Obama's proposed nuclear deal with Iran was joined by Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Jordan. It looks like our president has finally earned that Nobel Peace Prize he won. Barack Obama is the first president in history to unite Israel, Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Jordan.

Joe Biden announced he was boycotting Bibi Netanyahu's speech to Congress and would not sit behind him on the podium Tuesday. The Middle East is a situation where just one wrong word could result in a world war. It's why defense stocks rise every time Joe Biden's plane lands safely in Tel Aviv.

President Obama did not watch Benjamin Netanyahu's speech, saying he was tele-conferencing with David Cameron. They discussed U.S. and British troops training Ukraininian soldiers to fight the Russians. They have given up trying to get Vladimir Putin to attend Countries Anonymous meetings.

Dr. Ben Carson announced Tuesday he's formed an exploratory committee that will enable him to raise money for a GOP primary campaign. All the potential GOP candidates are making their final campaign preparations. Marco Rubio's pediatrician just pronounced him fit to run for president.

Forbes magazine published its annual list of billionaires Monday that listed Microsoft founder Bill Gates as the richest man in the world with a net worth of almost eighty billion dollars. Bill Gates once surprised his wife Melinda by giving her a fountain pen for Christmas. She was expecting a yacht.

Hillary Clinton reportedly used private e-mail to run U.S. foreign policy while taking money from foreign nations for the Clinton Foundation. It's dire. For those of you new to comedy and magic, this is the point where Bill has a sex scandal that lasts just long enough for Hillary to escape unharmed.

Fidel Castro welcomed home five Cuban spies and hailed them as heroes of the revolution this week after they were released by the U.S. in a spy swap. The aging dictator shrugged off a head cold and welcomed the spies personally. Our plan to slowly deteriorate his health over sixty years is working.

Congress passed a clean bill funding Homeland Security through September Tuesday which did not cut funds for President Obama's amnesty order for illegals. They will work it out. Congress wants new immigration rules that give work visas to agriculture workers, to nurses, and to lobbyists with cash.

 


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Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

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