Argus Hamilton

© Copyright 2017

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Argus Hamilton HOLLYWOOD--God bless America, and how's everybody?

The White House last week hosted the Super Bowl champion New England Patriots. However, quarterback and presidential friend Tom Brady had to skip the event. It was no big deal, Tom Brady has won five Super Bowls, so he’s already been to the White House more times than Melania Trump.

CBS News reported Tuesday that former president Barack Obama has agreed to address a fall health conference in New York hosted by Wall Street firm Cantor Fitzgerald. It raised eyebrows because he’ll be paid four hundred thousand dollars. His topic will be the Importance of Free Speech.

Netflix just agreed to finance a movie about Jimmy Hoffa starring Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Harvey Keitel and Joe Pesci. It’ll be directed by Martin Scorcese. The toughest part of the shoot won’t be the clash of egos, it’ll be having to break every day at three o’clock for the Early Bird Special.

President Trump slapped a huge tariff on Canadian soft lumber Tuesday because Canadians subsidize their loggers. Tensions erupted. It’s worth it to watch the guys on Fox News discuss soft wood with the women of Fox News on the air all day and try not to be sued for every penny they have.

Bill O’Reilly started a news show podcast Monday, a week after he was fired by Fox News. The cost to listen to O’Reilly’s podcast is five dollars a month, or fifty dollars a year. In addition, if you want to listen to his private phone conversations with female co-workers, it’s three dollars per minute.

French presidential candidate Emmanuel Mancon was reported Tuesday to have met his wife when he was a fifteen-year-old student and she was his forty-year-old teacher. They then began an affair. If elected, his fellow countryman Roman Polanski should be a shoo-in for Education Secretary.

Los Angeles was named the city with America’s most congested traffic by an Auto Club survey released Monday. Our self-centered culture invites road tension. If one more driver honks at me for not accelerating fast enough when the light turns green, I’m going to stop texting and flip him off.

Conde Nast travel magazine forecast Tuesday that American tourists will spend a record three billion dollars while vacationing in Great Britain this summer. One London restaurant has just opened that serves airline-style food. For instance, if you want your steak bloody, you order it United.

GOP lawmakers demanded that Democrats testify about their use of NSA intercepts to unmask Trump’s campaign staffers. Senate Democrats vow to shut the government down rather than fund a border wall. The only thing holding this country together is that nobody can stand the Kardashians.

The White House negotiated with Democrats and Republicans all this week to try to arrive at a compromise spending bill that will avoid a U.S. government shutdown. It doesn’t look good. Right now it looks like if Kim Jung Un doesn’t destroy America by Friday’s budget deadline he’ll be too late.

Donald Trump’s first hundred days has produced dividends for both parties. Republicans can be glad because it’s resulted in tighter U.S. borders and a booming stock market. Democrats can be glad because it’s made superstars out of Alec Baldwin and Melissa McCarthy on Saturday Night Live.

President Trump began hosting guests for dinner in the White House this week. Just the other night, he entertained Sarah Palin, Ted Nugent and Kid Rock. President Obama kept a still in the White House basement where he brewed his own beer and now Trump is clearly setting up a meth lab.

Astronaut Peggy Whitson set a record Tuesday for the longest consecutive time in outer space, spending two years on the Space Station. Was she EVER surprised by the call from the president. When she took off, Hillary Clinton was all set to defeat Jeb Bush in a civilized, well-argued campaign.

© Copyright 2017 Argus Hamilton. All Rights Reserved.


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