Argus Hamilton

© Copyright 2016

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Argus Hamilton
BEVERLY HILLS--God bless America, and how's everybody?

Donald Trump accepted the GOP nomination speech with a speech focused on law and order, the war on ISIS and border control. His name will appear on the ballot as Donald J. Trump. Las Vegas oddsmakers are giving a million to one odds that the J doesn’t stand for Juan, Jerrod or Jamal.

Donald Trump accepted the GOP nomination in a rousing speech at the Cleveland convention on Thursday. Picture the possibilities. If Trump is elected president, it would be the first time in history that a Presbyterian couple moved into federal housing that had been vacated by a black family.

The Wall Street Journal-NBC presidential tracking poll came out Wednesday which showed that Donald Trump surged eight points into a virtual tie with Hillary Clinton. They are tied with forty-five percent of the vote each. That’s the closest Trump has ever gotten to a woman his own age.

Ted Cruz double-crossed the Trump campaign Wednesday by refusing to endorse or support the Donald in his convention speech. The crowd booed him off the stage. Ted Cruz’s speech was the first time since they burned down the White House that Canadians proved they cannot be trusted.

Ted Cruz used his GOP convention speech to try to split the Republican Party in an effort to pocket a segment of the party for himself in four years. He’s done everything he can to court the evangelical Christians. The last time Ted Cruz had a colonoscopy, he went to confession afterwards.

Fox News analyst Laura Ingraham blistered the media in her speech at the GOP convention on Wednesday. When she waved to the Republicans with a straight right arm, the media likened it to a Nazi salute. Democrats wasted no time accusing her of plagiarizing a speech by Hermann Goering.

Florida’s former Governor Jeb Bush received three votes for president at the GOP convention in Cleveland after spending one hundred and fifty million dollars. That’s fifty million per vote. The donors added it all up and vowed the next Bush they support will be legalized marijuana in California.

California’s GOP delegation at the Cleveland convention was quarantined to their hotel when they suffered an outbreak of novovirus. It was hard to diagnose at first. Whenever Californians see you going to the bathroom four times an hour, they just assume you have cocaine and won’t share.

Hillary Clinton gave a speech to union members in Las Vegas Thursday where she denounced Right-to-Work laws across the United States. No city is more looking forward to a contest between Trump and Hillary than Las Vegas. Their entire economy is based upon people making bad decisions.

Roger Ailes resigned from Fox News Thursday triggered by a sex harassment suit by Gretchen Carlson, backed up by six more women accusers in the same week. Her lawyer said twenty more women have come forward. Roger Ailes resigned from Fox News on advice of his attorney, Bill Cosby.

Minnesota dentist Walter Palmer’s yacht was stolen and wrecked in Florida Tuesday. Just last summer, he became a national villain for shooting and killing the popular Cecil the Lion while he was on a safari in Africa. Nobody bought the dentist’s first story, that the lion was resisting arrest.

The Indianapolis Star reported Thursday that a woman in rural Indiana is being charged with assault after she stabbed her husband in the chest with a fork when he forgot to bring home the donuts she’d asked for. He’s recovering in the hospital. To be fair to the woman, he forgot the donuts.

Alabama coach Nick Saban hosted media day for his heralded football program last week in Tuscaloosa. During practices he stands in a tower watching his players work on the field in the heat for free. The kids are all headed for the NFL and it’s his job to get them ready for community service.


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