Argus Hamilton

© Copyright 2016

Friday, June 24, 2016

Argus Hamilton HOLLYWOOD--God bless America, and how's everybody?

Donald Trump named noted ministers to his Faith Advisory Board to try to woo evangelicals to him. It’s an uphill fight. On Tuesday, a thousand evangelical ministers meeting in New York weighed the choice between Trump and Hillary and issued a statement announcing that God is Dead.

The Federal Election Commission reported Monday that Donald Trump has only a little over a million dollars left in his campaign war chest. That’s eight million dollars less cash than the socialist has. The campaign was just kicked out of Trump Tower for embarrassing the other tenants.

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton exchanged fire in their campaign speeches Wednesday. He called her a liar, a traitor and a bribe taker and she called him a grifter, thief and an exploiter of the working class. It wasn’t on the Teleprompters, they were just reading each other’s business cards.

The White House ripped the GOP Senate Tuesday for failing to pass gun control in the wake of Orlando. It’s all relative. On the other hand, on Saturday a man tried to grab a cop’s gun to kill Donald Trump at a Vegas rally, and the White House issued a statement saying that boys will be boys.

Donald Trump said he found out on TV that a nineteen-year-old kid had tried to grab a cop’s gun at his Las Vegas speech and assassinate him. The scene was chaotic. He was angry and ranting and arguing with voices in his head, but the Secret Service said it was their job to protect him anyway.

CBS This Morning co-host Norah O’Donnell interviewed Donald Trump on Wednesday about his plans for his first one hundred days in the Oval Office. He did reveal that he and Melania will move into the White House. He just turned seventy, and that’s when a lot of couples start to downsize.

Secret Service agent Gary Byrne wrote a book about protecting the Clintons and wrote he once walked into the Oval Office and saw Bill Clinton having sex with Monica on the Oval Office desk. The desk was carved out of the old British warship the Resolute. It saw action in 1798, 1806 and 1998.

Tesla automobile founder and tech visionary Elon Musk announced Wednesday he wants to build a robot that can perform housecleaning chores. We can all see what’s coming next. Someday soon, Arnold Schwarzenegger will announce that he’s the proud father of a bouncing baby Roomba.

GOP former House Speaker Denny Hastert began serving his fifteen-month prison sentence for money laundering to cover up his past molestation of boys. He’s getting no special favors. The judge denied Hastert’s last minute request that he be allowed to serve out his time in Juvenile Hall.

Santa Barbara sheriffs were reported Tuesday to have found a trove of porn at the Neverland estate of Michael Jackson in a raid a dozen years ago. His mansion was a world shrine. The day Michael Jackson died dozens of kids gathered at the front gate, until the cops arrived and let them out.

Tennessee Congressional candidate Rick Tyler caused a flap by putting up a billboard reading Make America White Again. Another of his billboards shows the White House surrounded by Confederate flags. O.J. Simpson just asked his parole board if they’d give him another couple of years.

Melissa Rivers will auction her mom Joan Rivers’ jewelry and furs at Christie’s Auction House in New York Friday. In addition, the late comedienne donated her five decades of TV monologue files to the Smithsonian Museum. Over the years, only the voters have sent more jokes to Washington.

Johnny Manziel reported to Dallas police Tuesday he was the victim of a hit-and-run accident in North Dallas. He’s still awaiting his trail for assault, partying, defying authority, and he’s lost two agents. About all he has left is an oil fortune and his degree in people skills from Trump University.


© Copyright 2016 Argus Hamilton. All Rights Reserved.


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