Argus Hamilton

© Copyright 2014

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Argus Hamilton

BEVERLY HILLS--God Bless America, and how's everybody?

President Obama opened his first Twitter account and got a million Twitter followers in just five hours. This could kill him. If he thought defeating ISIS, combating climate change and passing Obamacare was tough, wait till he tries to write a good joke in less than a hundred and forty characters.

The Detroit Auto Show began selling tickets to its week-long January showcase of concept cars, luxury cars and high-technology electric cars. Detroit auto engineers announced on Friday they have just invented a car that runs on water. Unfortunately, it only runs on water off the Santa Barbara coast.

The Pentagon Inspector General reported that Air Force pilots are using U.S. government credit cards at Vegas casinos, bars and strip clubs. It's a security test. History teaches us that any Air Force pilot who drinks, gambles and goes to strip clubs and doesn't hijack a plane the next day is one of ours.

President Obama was asked by the Atlantic Thursday after the fall of Ramadi if the U.S. is losing to ISIS. He insisted that we're defeating the enemy. Ever since Obama withdrew all the tanks, artillery and attack helicopters, the level of greenhouse gases over Iraq is lower than it's been in twenty-five years.

David Letterman cheerfully discussed his highs and lows with reporters covering his farewell to TV. In recent years, David survived an adulterous sex scandal involving several women staffers and he was given the Kennedy Center Award in Washington. The Kennedys also saluted him for his comedy.

Kentucky Fried Chicken announced Thursday they are bringing back Colonel Sanders as the advertising symbol and marquee icon of the fried chicken chain. It was no surprise. Nothing says backlash like bringing back a Confederate colonel the day six police officers are indicted in Baltimore.

Fox News announced it will limit the number of GOP candidates in the first debate in August to ten. Fox will average five polls to determine which ten of the two dozen candidates will get to state their case before the nation. It's the same formula the networks plan to use for the Bill Cosby civil trial.

Ted Cruz lashed out at a Houston news anchor on camera Friday who questioned his opposition to federal gay marriage rights. He faces more contentious opposition than any other Republican. Last week Ted Cruz said it’s time to send all illegal immigrants home and an Indian offered to help him pack.

Senator Rand Paul staged a ten-hour filibuster against the renewal of the Patriot Act Thursday, saying the NSA's bulk surveillance of American citizens’ activities is unconstitutional. However, many disagree. Los Angeles is the only city in the world which thinks the NSA doesn't watch us enough.

Matthew McConaughey dropped a lot of wild truths on the graduating seniors at Houston where he gave the commencement speech last week. At least he was real. At Los Angeles commencements the speakers tell the seniors to follow their dreams and all they wind up with are multiple restraining orders.

Baywatch former star Pamela Anderson posed naked in the shower for a newspaper ad for an advertising campaign reminding Californians to conserve water. The state's way too jaded for that stunt. The photo didn't reduce water usage in California, it only reminded everybody to recycle plastic.

Norwegian Cruise Lines passengers were reported in excellent shape after the ship ran aground in the Caribbean and stalled for two days. Other voyages weren't so lucky. Last year on Carnival, a dozen comedians were laid off from working the after-dinner show and replaced by gastroenterologists.

New York women said in a poll they'd rather live in Manhattan during the time of Mad Men in the Sixties than today. It was a different world. The difference between now and fifty years ago is, today you shout at the drug store clerk for some condoms and you whisper if you'd like a pack of cigarettes.

© Copyright 2015 Argus Hamilton. All Rights Reserved.

How the First Amendment Came to Protect Topless Dancing: A Citizen's Guide to the Incorporation Doctrine. By Susan Shelley. Kindle Edition.

Click here to read
"Restoring the Raise: How to Cause a Labor Shortage in America"
"How to Set Up a Free Country"
"In Defense of the Banks"
"The Second Amendment and the Big Surprise"
"Defending Capitalism"
"The Motive for War: How to End the Violence in Iraq"

"The Secret Life of the Bill of Rights"
"The Tyranny of the Children"
"A Plan to Get Out of Iraq: Blackstone's Fundamental Rights and the Power of Property"
"Judicial Activism and the Constitutional Amendment on Marriage"
"How to Get Congress to Foot the Bill for Illegal Immigration, and Fast"
"Cornered: The Supreme Court's Ten Commandments Problem"
"Why There Is No Constitutional Right to Privacy, and How to Get One"
"How the First Amendment Came to Protect Topless Dancing"
"Marijuana, Prohibition and the Tenth Amendment"
by Susan Shelley, author of
"The 37th Amendment"

Editors:  Add Argus Hamilton's column to your newspaper

Note to the media:  Want to use a quote?  Please click here.

Back to Argus Hamilton's Home Page

Today's Column

Recent Columns

About Argus

Book Argus For Your Next Event

E-mail Argus



How to Start Your Day With The Jokes

Back to