f Comedian Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton


© Copyright 2017

Friday, June 23, 2017

Argus Hamilton HOLLYWOOD--God bless America, and how's everybody?

Mattel plans to update its Barbie and Ken doll collection to present a more realistic version of what young people look like. The toymaker says that they feel obliged to change with the times. The new doll has bigger shoulders and wider hips, large breasts and knee length skirts, and that’s just Ken.

The Weather Channel reported record-high temperatures throughout the United States Friday with no relief in sight. The bad news is, meteorologist reports indicate that the nation is under a heat dome. The good news is, there’s plenty of shade beneath our twenty trillion dollar debt ceiling.

The Los Angeles Coroner said Tuesday when Carrie Fisher lost consciousness and died there was cocaine, heroin, alcohol, Oxycontin and ecstasy in her system. There was no way she left us for a better world than that one. Carrie Fisher may be the first person in history to descend to heaven.

Hollywood Reporter last week released the list of prime-time TV series which will air on ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox networks this September. The summer replacement shows are doing terrific. The Democrats lost two more House elections Tuesday in America’s new hit TV comedy, Get Trump!

Democrats failed in their bid to add two impeachment votes in Tuesday’s election. The verdict is clear. Americans are so worn out after eight years of Hope and Change, the tension could only be relieved by a feature-length Roadrunner cartoon starring Wile E. Media and Beep Beep the President.

Republican Karen Handel beat Democrat Jon Ossoff Tuesday in a Georgia special House election to replace a cabinet member’s seat. The process is insane. The candidates spent fifty million dollars for a job which pays two hundred grand a year and then we expect them to balance the federal budget.

President Trump tweeted his congratulations to GOP candidate Karen Handel for winning the hotly contested House race in Georgia on Tuesday. The election results were a lot closer than they should have been due to political ineptitude. It turns out the Russians hacked the wrong Georgia.

Democrats called for changing the party’s message after Tuesday’s House losses. The current one needs punching up. America is a sexist, racist country that jails its minorities, poisons its water and exploits its poor, and it’s wrong to stop illegal immigrants from coming here to enjoy its blessings.

CNN election experts blamed the GOP House victories on districts gerrymandered thirty years ago that created black and white districts in the South. It was also done up North. They redrew the boundaries so dramatically, Wisconsin’s 3rd Congressional District now includes parts of Vladivostok.

Senate Republicans were scheduled to reveal their health care plan on Thursday after days of secret meetings to write the plan. The GOP Senate is under White House pressure for a kinder plan. President Trump knew the House GOP health care plan was a little harsh just by its title, Walk It Off.

Senate Republicans promised a health care plan that works Thursday as insurance companies were pulling out of Obamacare which was guaranteed to work. The voters are highly skeptical by now. If Liar Liar Pants on Fire actually worked, all of Washington D.C. would be engulfed in flames.

Bill Cosby’s prosecutors prepared to re-try the comedian for drug rape Monday after the first jury deadlocked last weekend. The scene was fraught with irony. The first Cosby jury was released Saturday after they failed to come to a consensus agreement, which was the problem in the first place.

The Nevada Parole Board will conduct O.J. Simpson’s release hearing in July. He’ll be entering a much different world. O.J. could drive that Ford Bronco up and down Pacific Coast Highway with blood dripping out the door and the news would still only follow what Donald Trump was doing today.







© Copyright 2017 Argus Hamilton. All Rights Reserved.

 

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