Argus Hamilton

© Copyright 2014
Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Argus Hamilton

   HOLLYWOOD--Happy Wednesday, everybody, and God Bless America.

    The Comedy Store held a hilarious tribute to Robin Williams Sunday. In the late Seventies a few of us lived in a mansion owned by the club. One morning Yakov Smirnov came in and cleaned off our coffee table with a wet sponge thinking we'd been up all night eating doughnuts.

    Alex Rodriguez bought Meryl Streep's home in the Hollywood Hills Friday. What a great pair of actors. Meryl was voted the Oscar for Sophie's Choice, Kramer vs. Kramer and the Iron Lady, and A-Rod was so convincing in Clean As a Whistle that baseball suspended him for a year.

    The Salt Lake Tribune reports a Utah high school dropped its Cougars mascot because it connotes middle-aged women out for young men. It's a very hot topic. Playboy sold out its Back to College issue with a nude pictorial called The Women of Mom's Day Weekend at Florida State.

    The White House said Friday it's closely monitoring the crisis on the Russian-Ukrainian border, the Israeli-Hamas war, the ISIS slaughter in Iraq and riots in Ferguson. President Obama rushed back to the White House from Martha's Vineyard Sunday. He forgot his five-iron.

    Missouri Democratic Governor Jay Nixon cried out against the militarization of the police force Friday and it sparked a no-law-enforcement looting. Local retailers were hit hard. By the end of the weekend, there was nothing left in the Dollar Store except all their country music CDs.

    WalMart workers in Ferguson were shown on the news packing crates of drinking water against the windows to help keep out looters Monday, while K-Mart and Dollar Stores hired security. It left viewers with one question. Is anyone ever going to open up a Discount Hospital?

    Hillary Clinton agreed to address the Iowa Democratic Party's annual Steak Fry banquet next month. It's a food orgy. Last banquet, they ate two thousand steaks, three thousand ears of corn on the cob, three thousand pounds of potatoes, and the band's drummer is still missing.

    Bill Clinton enjoyed a sixty-eighth birthday dinner at a New York restaurant with Hillary and Hollywood pals Tuesday. He loves working the room. At the bar, one of the waitresses poured a bucket of ice on his head and he quickly explained he'd just accepted the ALS challenge.

    Texas Governor Rick Perry was indicted on two counts of abuse of power on Friday over a political appointment. He got more bad news on Monday. He's being sued by the company that makes the eyeglasses he wears to make him look smarter because their sales have tanked.

    The White House announced last week that the U.S. military was deploying four hundred U.S. military personnel in Iraq. The Obama administration insisted that the U.S. military is in Iraq only as advisors. Just yesterday, the Air Force dropped a hundred tons of advice on the Sunnis.

    President Obama ordered fifteen air strikes in Iraq against ISIS forces Monday. He sent the bombers to drive back the rebellious Sunnis, which protects the defenseless Kurds and intimidates the treacherous Shiites. So you see, Obamacare does cover pre-existing conditions.

    Israel's Tourism Ministry admitted Monday that summer tourism in Israel was down by ninety-five percent over normal years. It's all due to the Hamas rocket attacks on Tel Aviv. If one of the rockets disabled a cell phone tower, Americans would die of social media withdrawal.

    New York GOP candidate Gia Arnold announced on Friday she's quitting her Republican primary campaign in the race for the state senate because she cheated on her husband. It's such a shame. GPS devices and cell phone cameras are costing our government our best people.



© Copyright 2014 Argus Hamilton. All Rights Reserved.

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