Illegal Immigrant Protest Jokes
7-14-06 The Pentagon tested an anti-missile system in New Mexico Wednesday. The test was an incomplete success. While the interceptor was shooting down the incoming missile, three thousand illegal aliens walked right across the border under its nose.
6-29-06 Texas placed webcams on the Mexican border Friday so that people can sit and watch illegal aliens enter the U.S. on their home computers. The web site is free. However, it costs you twenty dollars if you want to watch them have sex on the fence.
6-28-06 The House and Senate announced plans Friday to hold hearings on each other's immigration bills. They have to reconcile one bill that gives amnesty and another that builds a wall. They've got a better chance of getting the Beatles back together.
6-25-06 House Republicans said Tuesday President Bush's immigration reform bill will not happen this year. Are we witnessing a coup? They said the number-one priority is to secure the border, and they said it while the president was out of the country.
6-23-06 The Republican Party held a huge fund-raiser in Washington Monday to help GOP congressmen return to office. Thanks to all the big businessmen in attendance, they raised twenty-seven million dollars. The illegal alien auction was an inspired idea.
6-22-06 President Bush flew to Austria Tuesday for the European Union summit. He was inundated by requests for more U.S. visas so that Europeans can come to America and work. They are too arrogant to go to Mexico and wait their turn at the truck stop.
6-15-06 San Diego's new congressman Brian Bilbray was sworn into office on the floor of Congress on Tuesday. The very first words out of his mouth criticized illegal immigrants. He said the dust in his office must be half an inch thick.
6-14-06 U.S. and Mexican officials admitted Monday that National Guard troops on the border have greatly reduced illegal crossings. It may be too late. Today is Flag Day in America and every home in Los Angeles is displaying the old red, white and green. Governor Jeb Bush prepared Floridians for Hurricane Alberto Monday. He urged everybody to stock up on bottled water and to get all their important papers in order. When the hurricane passes, the immigration service is going to do a bed check. Senator Robert Byrd set a new record Monday by serving forty-eight years in the Senate. Reporters grilled him all day about his past membership in the Ku Klux Klan. Today he likes to think of himself as ahead of his time on illegal immigration.
6-12-06 Colin Powell told an audience in Mexico City Thursday he opposes a wall and supports a guest-worker program and a path to citizenship. He really made news. The next day all of Washington D.C. was buzzing that he is not running for president.
6-11-06 President Bush spoke to Hispanic leaders at the Marriott Hotel on Thursday. He had to meet them somewhere. When told they couldn't get into the White House to see the president they just looked at the fence and laughed. President Bush said Wednesday immigrants should speak English. He then went to a school and had to address the kids in Spanish. Only fifteen years ago he was a failed oil man and someday he will go down in history as the Founder of New Spain.
6-9-06 The World Cup will begin at Olympic Stadium in Berlin today. It's no secret why soccer is the national sport in Mexico and Central America. The sport gives you the quickness and agility to elude any U.S. border patrol agent trying to grab you. San Diego elected a Republican candidate to Congress Tuesday. It proved that Republicans can keep control of Congress by forcing Democrats to defend President Bush's illegal alien amnesty policy. If only Karl Rove had this good a plan for Iraq. President Bush defended his immigration reform proposal in a speech in Omaha Wednesday. Every politician who has supported it has gone down to defeat. That settles it, the George W. Bush Presidential Library is going to be located at the Alamo.
6-8-06 President Bush said Tuesday he believes guest workers will go home to Mexico after their jobs end. He didn't say how he was going to get ten million temporary workers to leave the country. He can't even get Karl Rove out of the White House.
6-7-06 Toronto police arrested seventeen terrorists on Monday and broke up their plot to bomb buildings in Canada. It's no secret who's behind it. The plot was masterminded by Mexican President Vicente Fox to divert U.S. troops from the southern border.
6-4-06 The Chamber of Commerce applauded President Bush's speech defending a guest-worker program Thursday. It brings back old divisions. Southerners want a border wall because they think it's time Northerners find out what it's like to lose slavery. President Bush demanded in a speech Thursday that Congress approve his guest-worker proposal. It may not happen. The audience got an idea of his expertise on the matter when he proclaimed that immigration is the sincerest form of flattery. President Bush said Thursday a guest-worker program is the only way to stop illegal immigration. In other words, the way to stop it is to legalize it. If he took this position on marijuana he would be a lot more popular with people of draft age. California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger reversed himself on Thursday and announced that he will send National Guard troops to patrol the Mexican border after he shilly-shallied on the issue for a month. Face it, he's from Austria. He's been afraid to send troops to the border ever since he saw Judgment at Nuremburg.
6-2-06 U.S. senators said Monday they are getting bricks in the mail from voters demanding a wall on the Mexican border. It won't go unanswered. Mexico is circulating a petition in the United Nations declaring pole-vaulting sticks to be a basic human right.
5-31-06 The U.S. Senate passed an amendment to the immigration bill on Thursday naming the English language to be the national language of the United States. It will not become law. President Bush would never sign a bill that could get him impeached.
5-30-06 Senator Bill Frist defended his support of a citizenship program for illegal aliens Sunday. He said it's necessary to get twelve million people out of the shadows. He thinks he can get elected president on the slogan, Shade is for Citizens.
5-29-06 House Republicans vowed Friday to stop illegal immigration from Mexico. They are getting no help at the top. President Bush says he's reading a biography of Teddy Roosevelt but you don't get much out of it when you only look at the pictures.
5-28-06 New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg said Wednesday he supports a national database of every legal worker in America. He said it should include DNA and fingerprints. At the very least, it would make it easier to find out whose finger is in the chili.
5-25-06 Mexico's President Vicente Fox paid an official state visit to Utah Tuesday, then to Washington state on Wednesday, and he is scheduled to fly to California today. He gets the same reaction everywhere he goes. What's one more at this point?
5-24-06 National Hurricane Center chief Max Mayfield on Monday predicted ten hurricanes this year. The response was swift. President Bush said it is essential that we offer a pathway to citizenship for the hurricanes since we can't keep them out anyway. The Space Shuttle Discovery was rolled out onto the launching pad Friday for its scheduled lift-off in July. Proper training is critical. If the astronauts press the wrong button on the control panel, the entire countdown changes to Spanish.
5-23-06 The White House announced its support Friday for a triple wall on the border with Mexico. The timing is shrewdly calculated. There are eleven million illegal immigrants in America and President Bush is determined to nip this thing in the bud. The San Francisco Chronicle reported that ten percent of Mexico's population lives in the United States and that they wired twenty billion dollars back home last year. Anglo-Saxons are mortified. That's money that could have gone to the Cayman Islands.
5-22-06 Senator Jim Inhofe of Oklahoma introduced an amendment Friday naming English our national language. Opponents say it's racist and imperialist and elitist to make everybody speak English. And in this case it is disrespectful to the president. President Bush ordered six thousand National Guard troops to the border last week to try to halt illegal immigration. The administration is very optimistic. Dick Cheney just predicted that U.S. troops will be greeted in Arizona as translators.
5-21-06 President Bush visited an illegal alien crossing site in Yuma Thursday. The government doesn't know who they are, where they are from, or how long they are staying. However, we have the name of every takeout place they ever called for pizza. General Michael Hayden defended his domestic wiretapping program Thursday in the Senate. It fits in with the administration strategy. If we're going to have a Latin American population, it only makes sense to have a Latin American dictatorship. The U.S. Senate passed border control legislation Wednesday by a huge margin. It builds a triple wall along the Mexican border that's twenty feet high. The next day, Mexico's legislature passed a bill making twenty-one-foot ladders a civil right. Hillary Clinton refused to be specific on illegal immigration in a speech to Hispanics Thursday. She said the Senate has a coalition for comprehensive reform. You can tell she fired all her landscapers because she is doing all the hedging now.
5-19-06 The New York Yankees rallied from nine runs behind to beat the Texas Rangers Tuesday in the bottom of the ninth inning. The win was the biggest comeback in team history. In a related story, the Republicans passed a tax cut and a border wall. Mexico threatened Tuesday to sue the U.S. government if the National Guard apprehends any illegal aliens who cross the border. The threat must be feared and respected. Mexico has biological weapons that come right out of the kitchen faucet. Karl Rove failed to convince House Republicans to back the president's guest-worker program Wednesday. Otherwise it was a great day for Karl. The alternator went out on the car belonging to the guy who delivers arrest warrants in Washington.
5-18-06 President Bush angered conservatives Monday when his border control proposal didn't include a border-length wall. There would have been plenty of workers available to build the wall. By the time his speech was finished, the tamper-proof biometric ID cards were on sale for five dollars in MacArthur Park in Los Angeles.
5-17-06 President Bush addressed the country Monday and called for beefed-up Mexican border defense. Mexico is sick and tired of the double standard. Barry Bonds has gone over the fence seven hundred and thirteen times and nobody ever criticizes him. President Bush told the nation Monday that he thinks foreign guest workers should have to carry tamper-proof biometric ID cards. That's unnecessary. As long as they have a telephone we can watch them night and day. President Bush demanded in his televised speech Monday that immigrants learn to speak English. He has no credibility on this matter. President Bush telling you to speak English is like Bill Clinton telling you to keep your mind on your work.
5-16-06 President Bush said Monday he will send National Guard troops to patrol the nation's southern border. It was easy to get him to do it. They used satellite photos of Los Alamos to convince President Bush that New Mexico has nuclear weapons.
5-15-06 Hillary Clinton slammed college graduates Friday for demanding high salaries right out of school. They have her in a bind. She tried to hire illegal aliens to work the phones, but they kept wiring her campaign donations home to their families in Mexico.
5-14-06 First Lady Laura Bush gave the commencement address at Vanderbilt University Friday in Nashville. She told the graduating seniors to serve others. There are still a few waitressing jobs out there that haven't been taken by illegal immigrants.
5-12-06 Cingular Wireless took down a ringtone available on its web site Tuesday. It featured the voice of a Southern sheriff telling an illegal alien to put down the oranges and prepare to be deported. California growers never had to use illegal aliens to pick oranges until Bing Crosby's sons realized that they had other choices in life.
5-10-06 Great Britain released the results Monday of a four-year government study of unidentified flying objects in England. They say evidence indicates alien life forms simply don't exist. Once we declared our independence, they became our problem.
5-7-06 President Bush hosted Latino Appreciation Day at the White House on Thursday as cameras rolled. He loves Mexican holidays. Ever since President Bush came out in favor of accommodating illegal aliens he's been celebrating Sinko de Poll Numbers. Phoenix sheriff Joe Arpaio said Friday he's formed a posse to arrest illegal immigrants. Lawyers are flying in from New York to stop him. The way American corporations see it, it's not illegal immigration, it's outsourcing with free delivery.
5-5-06 Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff warned Wednesday that a bird flu epidemic could cause total chaos. There's no way to stop it. The Minutemen just reported that half the Mexicans crossing the border illegally are carrying chickens.
5-4-06 Helen Mirren last week drew rave reviews playing Queen Elizabeth I in an HBO movie. She was a great war queen. Four hundred and eighteen years ago, the English defeated the Spanish to win what's looking like temporary control of North America. Hispanic activists in Denver said Monday the stars on the United States flag are notches in a policy of conquest and genocide. We feel just awful about it. It's embarrassing to look at America's rookie card and see how skinny we used to be.
5-3-06 President Vicente Fox approved the new drug bill passed by Mexico's Congress Friday. It legalizes possession of pot and cocaine and LSD and painkillers. Rush Limbaugh wrapped up his broadcast Monday by singing the national anthem in Spanish. The Great American Boycott was called by Hispanic protesters in sixty cities Monday to try to shut down the U.S. economy. It made great television. The marchers tried to shut down the Port of Los Angeles but the Chinese Army held on fourth down. Hispanic marchers demanded citizenship for illegal aliens Monday. They think that because they want something, they have a right to it. Kobe Bryant thought the same thing three years ago and he's just now getting the crowds back on his side. Arizona lawmakers proposed a new law Monday to crack down on illegal aliens. It includes money for National Guard troops at the border and radar tracking to keep intruders out. It is the same defense Augusta National deploys against women during membership drives.
5-2-06 The Great American Boycott was held by Hispanic protesters Monday in support of immigrant workers' rights. A new labor report says one out of every seven U.S. workers today was born outside the United States. The other six still live in India. Hispanics took off work Monday in support of what they claim are the rights of illegal immigrants. They all protested by staying home. Counter-protesters weren't afraid to risk serious injury because there weren't any lines at all in the emergency room. President Bush declared Friday he thinks immigrants should learn English and he added that the National Anthem should be sung in English. He should be applauded for his sincere effort to connect with reality. It's always nice to visit new places.
5-1-06 The Great American Boycott was called today by Hispanic protesters who vowed to shut down cities across America. It's part of the ecological cycle. If Los Angeles doesn't burn to the ground every twelve years, there's no room for new growth. Snoop Dog struck a London airport cop Friday when he wasn't allowed into British Airways' first-class club. He's not a member. It triggered a wave of nostalgia by civil rights leaders as they were trampled in the streets by Hispanic protesters. Rush Limbaugh was arrested in Florida Friday as part of a plea bargain in the case which revealed his addiction to Oxycontin. The conservative broadcaster was turned in by his maid. Today she's considered the Rosa Parks of the immigrant rights movement. Mexico passed a law Friday legalizing possession of small amounts of cocaine and marijuana. We no longer need a wall to keep illegal aliens from entering the country. They will never make it past the sea of Baby Boomers crossing into Tijuana. Hispanic protesters sang a Spanish version of the national anthem Friday. It includes a second verse that calls for racial equality and human brotherhood. It's never a real protest until they issue a list of demands that will never be met. President Bush said Friday the National Anthem should be sung in the English language. His poll numbers stopped sinking immediately. New press secretary Tony Snow looked like he had been up all night fighting a Rottweiler, but he got his way.
4-28-06 Senator Arlen Specter predicted Wednesday that an immigration bill will pass this year. It won't be easy. The Senate bill calls for a path to citizenship and the House bill calls for a double wall protected by a moat that's filled with crocodiles.
4-27-06 Al-Qaeda leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi broadcast a thirty-minute video Tuesday in which he threatens more violence against America. The video shows how clever he is. To demonstrate how easily he could attack the United States, he's wearing a sombrero.
4-26-06 USC running back Reggie Bush, it was revealed Sunday, let his family live in a San Diego house owned by a sports agent. They packed up and moved as soon as their right to be there was questioned. That is the difference between U.S. citizens and illegal aliens. President Bush defended illegal immigration at a town hall meeting in Orange County Monday. He insisted that illegal immigrants do the work Americans refuse to do. If he could get the FBI to stop checking documents he would have a press secretary by now.
4-25-06 Los Angeles witnessed a massive march Friday as four hundred thousand people walked twelve miles from the San Fernando Valley to downtown Los Angeles, and back. However, they weren't protesting. At four dollars a gallon, they were commuting. Hillary Clinton came out in favor of a border fence with Mexico. She favors a smart fence that can signal when someone's trying to get in and alert security. The fence she's got at her house electrocutes Bill every time he comes in after two.
4-24-06 Tampa settled a suit with a city worker fired over a Rebel flag decal on his truck. The settlement was amicable. They let him keep the Confederate flag on his truck after a representative for illegal immigrants said they weren't offended by it. Hispanics organized a May Day work stoppage, called A Day without Immigrants, to take place next Monday. They vow to disrupt things. Republicans are reminding each other to pack an extra sand wedge that day because the rough could be a half-inch higher. Democratic Party Chairman Howard Dean called Wednesday for tighter U.S. border controls and more border police. He's no enemy of the American melting pot. His own state of Vermont was settled by people from all four corners of Nottinghamshire.
4-20-06 Georgia enacted a law Monday clamping down on illegal aliens. It bans public services for illegal aliens and requires citizenship checks on arrests. If they are going to wave a foreign flag in Georgia it had better be the United States flag.
4-19-06 Hispanic protesters in Los Angeles called Monday for a nationwide boycott of American goods and services in a May Day protest they're calling One Day without Mexicans. Everyone at Duke University was so relieved. Three's a crowd in a race riot. Arnold Schwarzenegger wrote an editorial in the Wall Street Journal Thursday in which he spelled out a plan to tighten border control. He really sounded the alarm. Far too many immigrants are sneaking into the country and becoming governors.
4-18-06 Hispanics organized a boycott of McDonald's, Dunkin' Donuts and Pizza Hut scheduled for this May Day. It's called Operation Nothing Gringo. Not only will it call attention to their cause, they will be so healthy they might stop clogging up the emergency rooms. Speaker Denny Hastert vowed Friday to amend the immigration bill so it's a little less harsh. The bill makes crossing the border illegally a jailable offense. If this bill becomes the law, President Bush could face extradition to Iraq.
4-16-06 Los Angeles was the site of a nighttime march by illegal aliens Monday. They demand a right to pursue the American dream. The American dream is that if you get up early and work late and pay your taxes you will get ahead, if you strike oil. Mexican-American activist Nativo Lopez called Thursday for a May Day boycott of California businesses and urged Hispanic workers to skip work in protest. It won't disrupt the movie industry. Hispanic characters are always played by Italians. Britney Spears was visited by child protective services Wednesday. They got a report that her infant son fell out of a high chair and hit his head. These illegal immigrant protest marches could wipe out a generation of Hollywood children.
4-13-06 Hispanics took off work in ninety U.S. cities Monday to stage amnesty rallies and protest marches. It was a mixed success. It seemed to go well on Monday, but when they got back to their jobs Tuesday they had been replaced by illegal aliens. Los Angeles Hispanics held a nighttime march on Monday. They walked for miles. It was so trouble-free that after the protesters went through, the residents noticed the trash bins were emptied, the trees were trimmed and wages were down fifteen percent. The Border Guardians burned the Mexican flag in Tucson Sunday in protest of the Senate immigration bill. The compromise that was defeated would have required illegal aliens to learn to speak English in order to apply for citizenship. It seems unfair to make immigrants live by one standard and the president by another.
4-12-06 Washington D.C. was the site of a huge demonstration by Hispanic protesters Monday. They wore white, moved in an orderly way and applauded only at the proper moments. Hiring the Augusta crowd marshals was a stroke of genius on the government's part. New York witnessed a big rally by Hispanic groups Monday in protest of the bill in Congress that makes it a felony to live in America illegally. The immigrants pointed out they are not criminals. They can't even vote, let alone serve in Congress. The Minutemen announced Friday they will hold border patrol operations this month in seven states including New Hampshire. It's about time. Americans are sick and tired of the Canadians coming down to this country and taking jobs away from our Mexicans.
4-11-06 Dallas was the scene of a protest march by half a million Hispanics Sunday demanding full citizenship for illegal aliens. It just doesn't seem right. Illegal aliens are taking good paying jobs away from Americans that should be going to people in India. Tucson protesters burned Mexico's flag at the Mexican consulate Sunday. They want to end illegal immigration. Their great-great-grandfathers would be ashamed of them for attempting to stamp out slavery just when the North was finally sold on it. Senator Arlen Specter vowed Sunday he will introduce a new immigration bill next week. Republicans are split between amnesty for illegal aliens and a border wall while Democrats are split between anti-immigration unions and pro-immigration unions. By the time the bill gets through Congress, it'll be a dam in West Virginia.
4-10-06 Congress failed to pass immigration reform Friday despite polls showing most Americans want a wall. It won't work. If it's built by the same guys who built the levees in New Orleans, we will be drowning in illegal aliens every time it rains. The Senate failed to pass an immigration bill Friday and then headed for the airport. The senators appeared to sense the bill was unpopular. The last time this many comedians wore paper bags over their heads it was a roast honoring the Unknown Comic. President Bush's guest-worker program hit a roadblock Friday. He said something must be done to fill all the jobs Americans refuse to do. When he introduced the new FEMA Director in the Rose Garden the guy was still wearing his gardening gloves.
4-9-06 Augusta National hosts the final round of the Masters today. Tee boxes were lengthened and the rough allowed to grow out and the greens mowed so close they are lightning fast. Mexican landscapers have never been angrier at the ruling class.
4-7-06 The U.S. Senate debated Wednesday but failed to reach a consensus on the status of twelve million illegal aliens. Hispanic activists vow they are determined to stay in America and live free. Now all they have to do is qualify for disability. San Diego schools banned displaying the U.S. flag on Wednesday to avoid offending Hispanic students. The American Civil Liberties Union is justifiably outraged. You are not allowed to ban the flag in this country, you are only allowed to burn it.
4-6-06 The Masters starts today at Augusta National Golf Club. Each day the gallery consists of forty thousand Protestants wearing polo shirts and pleated slacks. It's the largest crowd walking in America this week not following a Mexican flag.
4-5-06 The U.S. Senate debated Monday on what to do about ten million undocumented immigrants. The president was wise to lay low. When it comes to deciding a case of invading another country illegally, any good attorney would kick him off the jury. San Diego witnessed a massive protest march on the streets Sunday by Hispanic activists. It was carefully timed. By waiting until gas was three dollars a gallon, the organizers were able to claim that everybody walking to work was on their side. Colorado saw the immigration debate hit the boiling point Tuesday at Skyline High School in Longmont. The school tried to mollify both sides by banning the display of both the Mexican and American flags. It is a tactic known in Mexico as Stage Two. The New York Mercantile Exchange reported Friday that oil prices are nearing a record seventy dollars a barrel. Gasoline is over three dollars a gallon in Southern California. This is what happens when the gasoline is picked by U.S. workers.
4-4-06 The Ten Commandments airs Sunday on ABC in an updated eight-hour mini-series version of the Bible story. They were able to cut corners on the budget. Two million extras worked free of charge in the scene where Moses parts the Rio Grande. Virgin Airways began selling passenger tickets Thursday for their supersonic flights into space. It's very exciting. They've even asked William Shatner if he would accept the honor of being the first American to plant the Mexican flag on Mars. U.S. Border Patrol agents used gamma-ray imaging for the first time Thursday to detect stowaways in a car trunk. It's surprisingly effective. The stowaways didn't make it into the country, but at least their prostates are down to a manageable size. The Minutemen Project mobilized ten thousand volunteers Friday to help catch illegal aliens while thousands of Hispanics resumed their protest marches in San Diego. The story gets bigger every week. Iraq just had to hire a publicist to get back into the news.
4-3-06 The Philadelphia Phillies mailed season ticketholders a highlight video last week. The fans were accidentally sent a video of Mexican cockfights. It sold so many tickets that team management is demanding the Senate pass a guest-cock program. Hispanics demonstrated in Los Angeles again Thursday to protest the immigration reform bill. Many protesters tried to stop traffic on the freeway to do all the damage they could to business commuters. It turns out they do more damage than deer. President Bush declared Thursday he backs a guest-worker program that allows illegal aliens to attain citizenship. His office was flooded with angry calls. It didn't calm anyone down when the phone system required them to press one for English. President Bush praised undocumented immigrants Thursday who work hard and play by the rules in America. The Republicans have come full circle in a hundred and fifty years. What the signature of a Lincoln taketh away, the trunk of a Lincoln restoreth. Kansas City drivers were asked by state officials Thursday to drive on the left side of the road on one avenue. It's a doomsday plan. If President Bush vetoes border enforcement, Kansas City residents will already know how to drive in England.
4-2-06 The White House announced Friday we will build a base on the moon from which to launch an exploratory mission to Mars. There's no reason for Americans to fear finding life on the red planet. What's another twenty million aliens at this point? Duke suspended its Lacrosse team Wednesday for allegedly sexually assaulting a black stripper. Enraged blacks began protest marches in Durham. Congress was going to step in but they didn't see any Mexican flags so they changed the channel. The U.S. Senate opened debate on Wednesday on the immigration reform bill. The Republicans are split over the issue. During the debate fifteen illegal aliens got into the country by jumping over the chasm between Arlen Specter and Bill Frist. Time magazine reported Tuesday that the Hispanic immigration protests caused a backlash on Capitol Hill. Many lawmakers are furious. The protestors had a lot of nerve waving Mexican flags on US soil and demanding the rights of Englishmen. Senator Jeff Sesssions of Alabama spoke out against the guest worker program Wednesday. It allow our nation's heavy work and landscaping and farm labor to be done for substandard wages. And to think we Southerners thought it was a Lost Cause. 3-31-06 The Washington Post said Sunday the White House wants to build a base on the moon and fly to Mars from there. It's the spirit that built America. Republicans believe as an article of faith that there must be cheaper labor out there somewhere. President Bush named Josh Bolten chief of staff Tuesday. The job is sixteen hours a day with no weekends and no overtime pay. President Bush wanted to replace Andy Card three years ago but it took him this long to find an American who'd do the job. Los Angeles locked down schools Tuesday to keep Hispanic students from going out to protest. However, nobody could stop them from climbing over the fences. It is their ability to climb fences that got them to Los Angeles in the first place. Los Angeles Hispanics said Monday they waved Mexican flags to proclaim their Spanish heritage and to reclaim the city. That's the real clash. The predominate culture in Los Angeles is based upon the British model, that model being Kate Moss. 3-30-06 Los Angeles Hispanics marched in protest Sunday where they waved the Mexican national flag. That turned many people off. The flag's colors are so bright that most Americans would only wear them on a hunting expedition with the vice president. Los Angeles school officials tried to keep Latino students from leaving class Monday to protest immigration reform. The administrators even tried to lock down some of the campuses but the students climbed over the fences. Why is that even news? The Senate agreed Monday to allow a temporary worker program for lettuce and celery and carrot pickers out West. The financial survival of newspapers is at stake. They harvest the crops that produce the world's finest underwear sale models. President Bush arrives in Cancun today for a meeting with Mexico's president Vicente Fox. It's a great relief for him to get down there. President Bush just wants to talk to one person in the world who's in favor of his guest-worker program. 3-29-06 Hispanic students marched down the Harbor Freeway in Los Angeles for illegal alien rights Monday. They knew enough to stop before they got to the harbor. It's run by the Chinese military and the first thing they do is check everybody's papers. The National Council of La Raza demanded a open border with the United States and citizenship for anyone from Mexico. Something's wrong here. Any other country with tequila and oil would need a seven-hundred-mile-long wall to keep Americans out. Senator Arlen Specter found no takers Monday for his proposal to grant legal status to twelve million illegal aliens. There's one way out. Americans won't be happy with the immigration bill until all it does is let Tony Blair become president. The New York Post said Monday the chauffeur waiting for Bill Clinton at the Newark Airport last week was an illegal alien. He was a Pakistani national who was ordered deported five years ago. That vast right-wing conspiracy never gives up. 3-28-06 Los Angeles was the site of a huge protest by six hundred thousand Hispanics Saturday afternoon. Everyone had a great time. They started out in the morning with three hundred thousand people, but the church doesn't believe in birth control. Phoenix was the site of a massive protest Friday against an immigration bill in Congress. Adults took off work and kids walked out of school to gather in the park in protest. It is the time- tested way of achieving change through vagrancy. President Bush travels to Cancun Wednesday to meet Mexican president Vicente Fox. They will plot to maintain illegal immigration. It's the cheapest possible labor you can have in the United States without Lincoln undergoing loophole surgery. Ted Kennedy promoted his immigration reform bill Sunday on CBS News. It would allow illegal aliens to pay a fine and back taxes to become legal U.S. residents. To Teddy Kennedy, the answer to every problem is a cover charge and two-drink minimum. 3-27-06 The Beverly Hills Hotel was surrounded by thousands of Hispanics protesting immigration legislation on Friday. They weren't frightened by the Beverly Hills police dog. She just took Miss Congeniality at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Phoenix was the site of a massive march by illegal aliens who walked off the job Friday to protest immigration reform. President Bush is dismayed. He hadn't figured on Americans getting a chance to take the jobs illegal aliens refuse to do. Los Angeles had a huge street rally on Saturday where thousands of Hispanics waved Mexican flags. It was very healing. The Black Panthers and the Ku Klux Klan signed a joint statement vowing to work together to take back the country they love. Hillary Clinton said Tuesday the immigration bill would criminalize the Good Samaritan and probably Jesus. She agrees with Catholic bishops and President Bush. If she moves any further to the center she is going to be a weed in Emporia, Kansas. 3-26-06 Hispanic protesters staged sickouts in Milwaukee Thursday in a demonstration called A Day Without Latinos. The protest caught on. The next day President Bush postponed the invasion of Iran in a demonstration called A Day Without Anglo-Saxons. President Bush conceded Wednesday that Iraq has come close to civil war. The mission looks like a colossal mistake but the White House isn't worried. All the voters will remember in November is that Democrats support citizenship for illegal aliens. Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid said he'll stop any immigration bill that doesn't lead to citizenship for illegal aliens. The senator loves farm workers. He's from Nevada and every time he sees three pieces of produce he thinks he's hit the jackpot. 3-24-06 Senator Harry Reid demanded Wednesday that any immigration bill include a path to citizenship for illegal aliens. It's vital to have a path to citizenship for illegal aliens. Life will be unlivable in California if they close Interstate Five. Hillary Clinton said Tuesday a law deporting illegal aliens would be turning against Jesus Christ. It sounded odd. A Democrat hasn't mentioned the name of Jesus Christ since the last time Jimmy Carter missed the nail and struck his thumb.
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