HOLLYWOOD--Happy Fourth, everybody, and God bless America.
The Weather Channel reported record high temperatures in the Imperal Desert in California. It hit one hundred and twenty degrees in Palm Springs. It was so hot at the Betty Ford Center that the cafeteria manager said screw it, and served frozen daiquiris.
The Stars and Stripes Forever will be played by the Boston Pops Orchestra tonight at the Boston Commons. The stirring concert is televised nationally every Independence Day. It's a day when America celebrates our two favorite pasttimes, alcohol and explosives.
The U.S. and Britain downplayed our joint use of NSA spying as we charted a US-UK response to Egypt. The upcoming royal birth has everyone on both sides of the Atlantic giddy. When America declares its Independence, we make it about as far as the treehouse.
Finland's government sent Prince Willam and Kate baby gifts which included a box of condoms. The gift box included baby leggings, a romper suit, teething rings and the condoms. Apparently women waste no time throwing themselves at a future king.
Michelle Obama raised eyebrows at the African First Ladies' Conference in Tanzania Tuesday. She said that being First Lady in the White House was like living in a prison. It's the lamest attempt to be the next Nelson Mandela that we've seen in the First family so far.
President Obama praised Nelson Mandela in South Africa Sunday. Proper decorum was maintained. President Obama refers to Nelson Mandela by his tribal name Madibah, while South Africans call President Obama by his rap star name, Biggie Deficits.
Texas A&M suspended two premiere defensive backs Monday after police in College Station arrested the two college football stars for misdemeanor assault and criminal mischief. There's an innocent excuse. It turns out they were practicing for the NFL combine.
The George Zimmerman trial erupted in controversy over black people's casual use of the word cracker to describe white people. No reason to riot. If you're white and offfended by being called a cracker, your consolaton prize is that you get to run everything.
Scientist Sergio Canavero devised a spinal fusion and head-attachment surgery that could lead to head transplants. How about Paula Deen switching heads with Al Sharpton? One could eat all he wants and the other could say all she wants and no one gets cancelled.
Paula Deen lost Walgreen's and JC Penney, Sears and Wal-Mart as sponsors Tuesday after she admitted saying the N-word decades ago. Fires have broken out all over the country. KFC franchise owners are burning every letter they ever got from Colonel Sanders.
The New England Patriots halted sales of Aaron Hernandez jerseys Monday after his murder charge. His crimes against the state didn't stop at homicide. For months he was under investigation by the IRS for being involved in a organization called The Patriots.
National Geographic raised eyebrows with an online ad for its upcoming film Killing Lincoln. It's a banner ad that allows you to shoot Abe Lincoln yourself with the mouse cursor. From now on, any Southerner who checks into the emergency room with carpal tunnel syndrome will be entered in the FBI database as a possible threat to the president.
Congressman Eric Swalwell of California instroduced a resolution calling for House members to be able to vote on bills via i-Phones. He also suggested they could attend hearings via Skype. If you thought congressmen got into entertaining sex scandals live in person, wait until they start spending all day online, get bored and think nobody's looking.
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